i hope crispin best is still alive

who is this guy? why have i bookmarked this image? is this human "famous"?

2010-10-27T22:32:00.006+01:00

[1582 is a turkey on a jetski]

[1583 is an autistic ghost]

[1584 is a supermarket]

[1585 is the biggest camel alive]

Adam Coates showed me this video.
Seems the best thing to have happened in a long, long time:

Stephen Hawking:

I read The Best of (What's Left Of) Heaven.
Definitely now a top #20 favourite.
Stephen was staying with me this weekend.
Think I recommended the book to him >4 times.
The book is fat and unbelievable.

In Gchat with

Shiona I said:
"i finished mairead

byrne

's book and it was incredibly nice"

In other Gchats I said: "mairéad byrne for nobel laureate.", "Heaney, Beckett, Yeats, Byrne" and "a shoo-in. $1.4m".

Buy the book or else I will buy you a copy, I guess.

The following video is dedicated to Adam Robinson:

So a few weeks ago I printed a perfect bound book of everything I wrote in 2008 and 2009.
I also included 3 things I wrote over the last month or so when I decided to try writing again.
The front and back cover was this picture.
Think the title was 'the japanese for owl'.
I was disappointed with the book.
It's ok though.
Doesn't matter, guys.

'Yogurt flavor'

No kidding I've watched this so much I've learned the words:

These seem nice.

tips-n-tricks

2010-10-03T23:32:00.003+01:00

[1579 is Sonic]

[1580 is Knuckles]

[1581 is Tails]

Seems like I'm printing a book of everything I wrote in 2008 and 2009.
Think it's going to be nearly 400 pages.
Pretty funny.

Here is a gif I made:

It is in honour of Jay-Z's verse in the song 'Monster'.

Saw this a while ago:

Really like this guy's demeanour etc:

I met Audun Mortensen last weekend.
(note: I have created a hyperlink so if you click his name you will be redirected to a website.)
I had a nice time.
At one point asked if he has a foreskin.
Got the feeling that Audun is a good guy, funny, disarming, natural, talented.
Overwhelmingly supportive of his endeavours, choices, and indefinitely continuing existence:

I am not sure if Audun Mortensen has a foreskin.

Want to write 'thug life' in pink letters in Microsoft Paint and put that before this next image:

Sterling, sterling work from Mike Young:

This series of photographs of Russian kids' playgrounds at DC's made made made....

human in my life

2010-09-21T22:26:00.010+01:00

[1577 is Columns]

[1578 is Puzzle Bobble]

I feel like a mermaid wearing bifocals.

Holy crap this:

I really like the top poem here (by ana).

...Could you always submit ebooks to Keyhole?

"Just act natural" pizza advert audition:

I've guest edited an edition of NOÖ Weekly for Mike Young and Ryan Call.
It will be coming soon, I think.
It will feature some hot and sassy writing with attitude.
I am exciting.

I feel like a mermaid with a congenital heart defect.

Bitch I'm Paris Hilton:

N.B.

My mum made me a mixtape of three songs she wanted me to hear and one was "What Would I Want? Sky" by Animal Collective.
What a terrific mum.

I feel like a mermaid getting angry trying to read a newspaper.

Did you enjoy "The Room"?!
Yeah Nah

Do you enjoy adventure games?!
Yeah Nah

Whatever...

Here is a link for you anyway.

I feel like a mermaid with terminal chicken pox.

Just realised I have written less than 5,000 words of fiction in the last twelve months. Bad and frightening and strange.
But Seat savers are a smart idea.

i have eaten so much bread today

2010-09-19T19:33:00.008+01:00

"10 Great Screenshots From The Maury Povich Show"

[1572 is Bill O'Reilly]

[1573 is Bill O'Reilly's wife, Maureen]

[1574 is Bill O'Reilly's daughter, Madeline]

[1575 is Bill O'Reilly's son, Spencer]

[1576 is Stephen Dorff]

Fruit and Veg is a "fiercely literary" radio show that I have started doing.

Episode #1 featured me and Ben Brooks.
Episode #2 featured me and Ben Brooks and Stephen O'Toole.

For a while there, the Wikipedia entry for Warren G's "Regulate" was a really, really, really good place to be (viz. "Synopsis").

Life-affirmation is one click away (below):

Just finished reading "Lanark" by Alasdair Gray.
Seems like a top 10 all-time book or something.

Think everyone will definitely have seen this but I had so much stuff bookmarked and I didn't post.
Feel so positive about him that everyone should watch it again anyway.

Started reading "Richard Yates".

So far feels at times like the funniest book that anyone whose Wikipedia a friend of mine regularly edits has even written.
Feels at times like the funniest book that anyone who has been visited by another friend of mine and who was filmed jumping under a parked car has ever written.
Feels at times like the funniest book that anyone whose Blogger account a friend of mine "hacked into" to wish me happy birthday has ever written.

Good job, Tao.

This dog is the universe:

Stephen O'Toole just showed me this.
Thanks, Stephen.

Constantly burping and I have chest pains though.

cryptids et al

2010-08-21T21:21:00.004+01:00

[1568 is Liono]

[1569 is Snarf]

[1570 is Panthro]

[1571 is Cheetara]

Watched this:

Felt triumphant after.

Been reading a lot about cryptids.

Kaijin

Wolpertinger

This Seems funny?

Can't embed this.

Janey Smith did this awesome a while back.
Ariana Reines did this awesome a while back.
Ana did this awesome a while back.
Can't anyone male write anymore?

Janey has a book (or something?) that needs a home (or something?).
Does anyone have a home (or something?) that needs a book (or something?)?

"an half an hour nap"?

Sea Monk

Canvey Island Monster

Don't think I like La Roux really but really like Major Lazer and this:

animals, cows etc

2010-07-27T20:30:00.005+01:00

[1565 is a Freedom Fry]

[1566 is a Freedom Canadian]

[1567 is a Freedom Press (coffee)]

Watched two women eating club sandwiches 'up close and personal' today.
Just recorded audio footage of myself mumbling into my phone under the covers.
Heart 'palpitated' awhile.
Closed my eyes awhile.
Milk went lumpy; used 'vanilla ice cream' in my tea.
Drank three beers and a 'strong Baileys coffee'.
Now here.

[Click to embiggen]

Heart still palpitating (just checked).
Ben was in London.
He left.
He will come back soon, right?
If anyone wants to SIGN UP for one of my and Ben's legendary 'tag team Skype chats' then please let one of us know.
We are pretty terrific at Skype.

Self-conscious about 'how popular Salem suddenly are' while listening to this Salem mix for the ~sixth time right now.

Thanks, Adam.

I guess I haven't posted since this definition needed lots of thumbs up.
It still needs them.
Please give it a lovely thumbs up.

Basically it comes down to I don't trust you guys to keep up to date with Everything is Terrible:

Think Go Ninja Go Ninja Go is going to be part of an anthology next year some time.
That's good, almost certainly.
A chap named Raleigh recently said things about it here.

Trying to push my beard back into my face just now.
Already counting down to Halloween for The Picture of Everything.

Compliments to Shiona for the top image.
Compliments to Martin for this:

It's been quite a time but a little while ago Reyrey hyped his upcoming Unnecessary Press ebook #8.
Whooooops.
I redesigned the site and stuff.
Looking fwwwwwwwwd.

Think everyone knows lovely Andrew Lee already but I want to watch it so hi:

Mediated Mortal Kombat video if you are still bored or whatever.

oh, ok

2010-07-19T20:59:00.024+01:00

Dangerous Maho Beach

[1564 is a huge anatomically-correct robot, like the size of a small bakery]

Immediate "cat picture interlude":

Mostly from here, babeses.

Ahhhh,
So, this definition could do with a few more thumbs ups, ggs.

Oh yeah, and this video is everything else.

OK.

Crispin is standing on the train platform. The doors open. Crispin sits on a seat. He reads forty-two pages of Eat When You Feel Sad by Zachary German. He puts the book in his bag. He stands on an escalator. He looks at a thin woman. He thinks "Is my finger bleeding? Is this the menopause?" He thinks "I feel like a hundred bucks. Or like seventy-five pounds or whatever."
          He walks up stairs. He sits at a desk. He switches his computer on. He switches his computer off. He walks down stairs. He looks at a church. He thinks "It would be OK if there was a sea lion on that roof. If it was balancing a ball on its nose. I would stop walking."
          Crispin stands on the train platform. The doors open. Crispin sits on a seat. He reads twelve pages of Eat When You Feel Sad by Zachary German. He looks out the window. The is a girl sitting on the floor. Crispin looks at the girl on the floor. He looks at other people looking at the girl. He thinks "I'm not going to look at her any more". He reads one page of Eat When You Feel Sad by Zachary German. He thinks "I have just seen the best-looking girl I have ever seen in the category of "girls sitting on the floor"." He reads thirty-two pages of Eat When You Feel Sad by Zachary German.
          Crispin drinks Lipton lemon iced tea. He reads Eat When You Feel Sad by Zachary German. He puts the book down. He stands up from the sofa. He thinks "I found one spelling mistake in the book. I feel good." He thinks "I found about seven alignment errors. That is the publisher's fault." He thinks "I liked that book. Actually. I will recommend that book. If I talk to someone about it I will recommend it." He finishes the Lipton lemon iced tea. He puts the lid from the Lipton lemon iced tea bottle in the bin. He puts the Lipton lemon iced tea bottle on the counter top.
          Crispin turns on his laptop. He opens iTunes. The song "Basement" by Winston Echo is playing. Crispin looks at eatwhenyoufeelsad.com. He watches the video of Megan Boyle. He thinks "Why aren't the sounds more high-pitched?" He thinks "I am going to eat cake". He takes out a Tupperware container from the refrigerator. He eats pineapple, cashew nut and banana cake. He puts a Tupperware container in the refrigerator.

Made this video. Don't know why, really:

Think this is the worst thing I've ever looked at.

As opposed to this:

Have decided there are three categories of news headline:
"Oh dear", "Oh good" and "Oh/Oh, OK"

Most of the time news is "Oh dear"

(Was about to analyse different news sources re: 'which type of headline is predominant', but felt confused by Fox News's website: never before had I seen it spelled "Usama bin Laden". Also they used the phrase "STOP THE PRESSES" to show that there is a breaking story.)

BBC is pretty much just "Oh, OK" across the board today, but CNN has a nice mix:

"Oh Dear: Street Kids Facing HIV Epidemic"
"Oh Good: World War I Dead Finally Laid to Rest"
"Oh, OK: U.S. Sends Carrier to South Korea"

Ana showed me this:

Thanks, darling AC.
She says it is the Spanish version of Rickrolling.
"Enrique-rolling", I guess, or something.
AC has a chapbook coming out soon, I think.
Thanks, darling AC, darling AC Slater.

schwarzenneger/stallone

2010-07-13T22:29:00.004+01:00

[1562 is a sexy computer]

[1563 is a jive-talking toaster]

This week my sympathies have been with a murderer and child rapist respectively...
Not on purpose, but...

Everything is terrible is the best site in life?
OK

But Yvettes Bridal Formal is another winner winner winner website which now takes its place in the pantheon of life alongside.

If movies followed their original casting.

You will never know happiness like this:

Brief 'military experiments' section:

Book that tells you everything you need to know about religion etc etc etc etc etc

Really liked this from DC's recent Sicko Toys post.

And Napoleon XIV bonus material/endnote:

oh yugoslavia

2010-07-02T22:39:00.014+01:00

[1560 is written by two people in one way]

[1561 is written by two people in another way]

I felt like I was my own daughter.
Probably in the front seat of a car.

Maybe I like Johann Lorbeer a lot.
(via FAKE ROLLERFINK!)

Finally ordered Mairéad Byrne's The Best of (What's Left of) Heaven finally.
Good.

And some thoughts on Adam Robison and Other Poems, which I read on Wednesday:

Think of Adam. Think of him being attacked, at a bus stop maybe. I think I have seen a photo of his bloodstained shirt.
The epigraphs in the book are good.
My favourite section was the biographical poems, particularly 'Joe Louis', the first 'Bas Jan Ader', 'Brahms. Also 'It's down to MOM or CLAUDIIIIIINE'.
While reading this book on the way home, I looked up and realised I had travelled more train stops without realising than any book I can remember. (In general, I felt 'taken in' and/or 'convinced' by the book.)
When I think of Adam, I also think of his Steve Reich poem, and wrestling Blake Butler (maybe).
I did not enjoy the introduction because I couldn't understand why it was there and wanted it to go away.
I really liked various lines that I have now copied out but since deleted because I don't feel confident in my decision-making. Whatever, some of the poems are available online, maybe, find them yourself, gosh.
I also think about how Adam wanted to translate Kleist but then my 'translation' of Kleist went up on Everyday Genius and I hope Adam still translates Kleist because I don't even speak German, come on.
I felt an overwhelming lack of confidence when Adam chose to spell Hitler's first name 'Adolph'. Still feel it, maybe. Can't help it?
Feel like I am going to look up how to pronounce 'Cixous' because I thought it was pronounced '~Frenchly' but I remember once during a very serious conversation someone said 'kicks us' and I think they were joking, let's see... yes, ok.
Overall, I fully recommend and endorse the book. Sterling.

Wait.
Who knows Shiona?
There she is.
Look at Shiona's house over there.
She is living her life.
Friendly little guy.

Really like some of this guy's ideas such as these drinking glasses.

Oh, right. OK. As introduction to grime music (Wiley and Skepta 'having great fun'?) for those who might want it...:

Thenceforth, think I've listened to this song >50 times in the last week.

But Japan has grime, too:

And Japan has the most successful video of life, too:

And here is the most successful animal video of life:

And of course here is the most successful animal picture of life:

And here is an intersection of two of the most successful Williams in literature/life:

'the nineties'

2010-06-18T22:10:00.010+01:00

[1557 is a postie]

[1558 is a mailman]

[1559 is a letter carrier]

The Baumer is happening still, and always

Just want to embed Jib Kidder videos, guys:

The future is a caravan
(just kidding)

Best best best audience of life:

Basically also contender for "best and most incredible audience of universe".

In the future I am going to only eat quesadillas.
(Still open to deb8)

Recently been using the phrase 'sentient being' to refer to certain types of food ie. 'beer', 'cheese', 'marmite'.

Felt very interested in iamamiwhoami.
Then read this and existed for a while.
Then this.
And so on.

More Jib Kidder:

When you are talking to the managing director of your company, and you have eaten raw horsemeat (a Japanese delicacy) it is important you understand the difference between 'Have you ever tried horse?' and 'Have you ever tried a horse?' especially when the managing director is a horse-lover.

Chris East is the curator and king of here now.
Well done, darling Chris.

Really like this wiki always, remember?
In the future I will always feel addicted to that cat.
Putting him on right now.

There he is.
Feeling dead now, mate.
Thank you, cat.

The Hydra, another one of Typhon's daughters, terrorized a spring at the lake of Lerna, near Argopolis, slaying anyone and anything that approached her lair with her noxious venom, save for a monstrous crab that was her companion.

Yes.
Incredibly, incredibly good flags.
Incredibly good and smart food flags.

FYI
Best song ever lives hereherehere

just eating a cheese on toast

2010-06-06T20:00:00.005+01:00

[1556 is Grover from Sesame Street]

Could be suitable for a few different photo blogs, actually, I guess:

I don't know. A couple of weeks ago I watched these in quick succession. Seemed like an experience. Uncomfortable/[adjective]/meditative. I don't know:

I met Matthew Savoca when he was in London last week.
It was very nice.
He was accompanied by a great gal named Valentina.
We had a walk and a beer and a walk and some food and a walk.
Felt extremely positive and supportive about how it sounded like they were both living their lives.
Think I talked about living in Japan a lot of the time.
It was good.
Happy to field any questions re: Matt/Valentina/etc if and when they arise.

Linking to this article by Molly Young is the first in a long sequence of incidents spanning a decade or so that will culminate in my painful divorce from Molly Young.

Basically just wish this was longer:

Kuzhali Manickavel posted about a video I made for her.
thxxxxxxx

Two SRSLY SRS podcasts I've listened to recently.
You should listen to them what, whenever, while playing Yahoo Pool, whenever, something, immediately:

One at New Yorker (viz. DeLillo)
One at Apostrophe Cast (viz. Leidner)

We all must have seen this but still:

Ben Mirov's covers are too too much I like even when regardless.

Faintly (I guess?) SATC2-related science link, to end with, maybe?

guest post by adam coates

2010-06-03T21:01:00.000+01:00

You must walk this road yourself.

1. Do not sleep more than four hours.

2. Do not talk more than necessary.

3. Do not read books.

4. Do not snack.

5. Do not wander or travel frequently.

i read the communist manifesto today
this room smells of bread
the internet just disappeared
there is a half-champagne bottle on the desk
it is too green

i do not like drinking
it makes me sad

it just happened

is hahaclever.com over?
is muumuu house over?
i feel glad i did not lifetime subscribe
i think i have given up on everyone including myself
we are just endless games of rock-paper-scissor
we are just tiny pieces of glass

Nachträglichkeit

2010-05-27T20:56:00.013+01:00

[1553 is a semi-professional crayon]

[1554 is a semi-generous body spray]

[1555 is a semi-talented climber]

Human Centipede: The Game?

Now invest a few minutes in Thu Tran:

Don't remember who showed me that. Someone who knows what is what.
Thanks, humans.

Seriously the Geocitiesizer. Examples:

Audri Sousa has a book. I didn't realise. Seems incredibly good news.
The shipping to England is quite high, but I will order it when I have my finances in order.

Everybody in America buy Audri's book right away.
Audri is one of the top people alive.

Nachträglichkeit

Savoca-san is in London.
Meeting with him and his +1 tomorrow night to take him somewhere for 'artisan beer'
Can anyone tell me what he meant when he asked to be taken somewhere with 'artisan beer'?
I am nervous I will get it wrong and I will be a victim of his 'well documented rotten temper'.
Any personal, sumptuous messages will be passed on in my own personal, sumptuous way.

Seems like movie posters are a 'real furrow to be ploughed' by pretty great artists, (albeit ones who can't always spell correctly. :-/ )

"Can all end up abused, can all end up defiled":

*****edit:

???

Currently reading: OBERIU

edit*****

not a sex offender

2010-05-20T21:49:00.006+01:00

1552 is wearing a bandanna.

Stephanie Davidson (above), badass etc.

Always worth another watch:

Fucking amazing 'science thing' here.
Click on it and look.
(Information on scale of the universe, 'yoctometers', red blood cells, 'big fucking cactuses', 'the soles of your feet are as thick as an ant', quarks, 'america is wider than the moon' etc)

I think Rollerfink had something to do with this.

Really really really really really really really really really really like the cover of Ghost Machine.

'Other' is absolutely one of my favourite things in the world right now.

Highlights include Killbot's ideas for the Best Website Ever.Com, and the first instalment of Ben Brooks's crushes, a subject very close to my heart.

And today I, via Socrates, via Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, published a story I wrote when I was 9....

Read "The Adventures of Captain Amazing"

Always worth another watch:

This is the route I walked today after work.
It was hot and good and I felt ugly and calm.

'other'

2010-05-13T00:02:00.008+01:00

[1550 is the circus]

[1551 is frosting]

Now 'other' exists.
It is a good new place to see things.
It is here.

If anyone would like to go on a cyber-date w/ me, please tell me and we can go on a cyber-date of (y)our choice and I will write about it at 'other'.
xxxx

Really like this article and song from Andrew WK.

Really like this remix from Kevatron. Feels pretty terrific and strong.

Great guy/time traveller photo:

[clickthru fyi]

Adam Coates at NWV!!!!!! [click]

I like Joe Dunthorne a lot.
Here is a video of Joe, author of Submarine, one of my favourite novels of recent years.
If nothing else, it is an example of 'time keeping' and 'crowd pleasing':

As if anyone doesn't already know that M.I.A hates my culture etc etc LOOK.
Poor lovely fellow guys.

Basically wish these Tiger texts were made up and really like them and feel confused and great.

Haven't blogged in so long that the Abjective contest is almost over.
Damn

Bringing the Internet Together

2010-04-20T21:56:00.013+01:00

[1549 is a priest with a spare cigar]

(Above image stolen from someone via Fake Fink)

Positive:

Dennis Cooper wrote about For Every Year at his house.
xtx dedicated a poem to me and my handjob bro DJ.
Ben Brooks interviewed me re: 'online female Christian' Strawburry17 at his blog.

via Adam Coates

That Allie posted a nice grammarhappening etc.
She is a "good hit rate" kid.

I hung out with Ani Smith last week as part of my ongoing IRL project entitled "Bringing the Internet Together."
She is 100% undercover so cannot post too much detailzssz probably.
But she's a pretty good kid.
Way to go, Ani.

It's her birthday tomorrow, I think.
Everybody Paypal her some hard ca$$$$$h.
She is, maybe, one day younger than Hitler, sort of.
If it was the 1915 or something.
Nah.
And two days older than Shakespeare, maybe.
Whatever, ~1590, same principle.
Anyway there was some garbage with the Gregorian calendar so don't sweat it Cervantes was 10 days dead by the time WS popped ye olde clogs etc etc.

Ani said 'you are exactly the same as your blog' with a kind of quizzical/disappointed look on her face.

Nice work, Ani.

Hair and Diamonds:

I like Kuzhali Manickavel very much.
A while ago I read her book, Insects Are Just Like You and Me except Some of Them Have Wings.
The book is made of diagrams and stories and there is a contents page and a quote from Miranda July .
It's a very funny book.
It made me feel desperate etc.
I wanted to communicate with people but I was always on a train so I couldn't just roll forward out of my seat onto people's legs and bags and look up at them.
Even on a train you can't suddenly become very very small.
Somehow want to say this: I felt the book was 'interesting' as well as being brilliant.
Ideally you should buy it from Blaft but I think shipping might be a lot. Who knows what Amazon is. I got it from Amazon.
I wanted to make the book become very small but couldn't work out how.
BTW Here is what Zoran Rosko said about it.
BTW Here is her flash fiction writing guide.
I endorse this book a lot.

kind of nice etc etc

2010-04-15T22:59:00.010+01:00

Ben Brooks "came to stay" last Friday.
Ben is pretty OK!
Three of his pals came also and they were pretty OK!

I went with Becky to meet them at the pub. We drank some beers. I got worried that they were getting drunk too fast so I tried to slow us down by drinking really slowly and then Becky mocked me for drinking slowly and I felt angry.

At one point we went to the toilets and Ben stood behind me and said it was because you are not allowed to urinate next to someone you know so I stole a light covering and put it in my bag.

We went somewhere else to try and enjoy some 'fun' drinks like Jagerbombs and Apple Sourz, but it turned out one of Ben's friends was a 15-year old girl so we were turned away at the door.

We went somewhere else instead.

There is a man busking, I think, usually.

Becky said I was showing off.

At the other place, Ben's friend bought me a gin & tonic because I kept trying to buy people gin & tonics when they hate gin & tonics, but I was only trying to buy them gin & tonics because I knew they wouldn't want them and I thought it was funny.

I touched Ben's tattoo and I think it hurt him but he pretended it didn't. I think the tattoo looked better in real life than in the photos I had seen.

I was texting Ani Smith sometimes because she had said she wanted to come, but she didn't come after all.

Then we had to leave. 'The youngsters' wanted us to find a drug dealer or a park because they needed drugs so that they could [something]. But we didn't find one.

I bought some busted/reduced cans of beer and made everyone drink them on the train home (illegal).

On the train, I bumped into a friend.

I was happy to see him because last time we spoke he had asked me how things were going with me and I answered but didn't ask him back because I thought he was just being polite. So this time I asked him five times maybe, throughout the train journey home, how things were going at the moment with him.

I like that friend a lot and I want him to feel excellent.

We went to McDonalds and 'the youngsters' ate some McDonalds and I drank another busted/reduced beer and told them to text Becky, who had since gone home, to tell her how much they liked her.

We went to another pub and I played some quiz machines recklessly and made 'the youngsters' join in. I don't think they enjoyed this portion of the evening.

We went back to mine and I made noodles and there was enough for everyone to have a little bit, and I think everyone except Mollie had a bit of noodles. Someone started playing guitar and singing. Ben drank some vodka. Eventually people looked tired so I went next door to my room.

My phone rang and it was Socrates pretending to be Noel Edmonds. Then it was Chris Killen pretending to be The Banker. They told me to go online, so I decided to set up the greatest megagroupchat the world has ever seen.

The chat included: the three of us, Ana C., Stephen O'Toole, Krammer Abrahams, Mike Young, DJ Berndt, Adam Coates and 'very briefly' Rebecca Perry. There were between 3 and 5 more people that I invited who didn't join in time and live to regret it still.

After this, I went back where 'the youngsters' were to wake up Ben because Socrates and Chris wanted to look at him on videochat. So that happened and then my computer ran out of battery and everyone went to sleep.

Nice going, Ben.

This "terrific and highly-detailed gif" represents 'The Big Crunch':

Kind of find this girl's dancing 'fascinating etc'.
Mostly because she is a 13-year old Pole, but doesn't look like it, maybe.

Went to this today.
People in London should go, I guess.
It's free.
Ends on Monday I think.

This picture is kind of nice to look at.

For Every Year has been redesigned and has a new url: http://foreveryyear.eu/

Volcanoes are OK.
Volcanoes are going apeshit, maybe, don't know.
This guy seems to take pretty nice volcano pictures.

english

2010-04-07T23:01:00.011+01:00

[1548 is the sequel to Eagle Eye]

Have actually always wondered about the above.

("An Italian singer wrote this song with gibberish to sound like English. If you've ever wondered what other people think Americans sound like, this is it.")

Darby Larson absolutely knocked my rollerskates off of my asshole with this from Wigleaf.
WAAAAA_{~_~}_{_{_{~^{~^{~^{~^{~~~~^{~^{~^{~^~}}~}}}~}~}}}}^_{_{_{_~}}}^_{_{_~}}^_{_{_{_~}}}^_{_{_~}}^_{_{_{_~}}}^_{_{_~}}^_{_{_{_~}}}^_{_{_~}}^_{_{_{_~}}}^_{_{_~}}^_{_{_{_~}}}^_{_{_~}}^_{_{_{_~}}}^{_{_{_{_{_{~_~}}}}}}

Can not believe how shitty this website looks for the things it is selling.
Contemporaneous copy of the Declaration of Independence (~$2.2m)?
Germany's actual surrender letter from WWII?!
The last thing Lennon ever wrote (15mins before he was shot)?!?

Felt really kind of terrific recently watching/reading this Huff Post article essentially about quality programming.

Socrates posted a gchat we had.

Changed my tumblr already.

Now...

http://wwags.tumblr.com

Here are some RECENT HIGHLIGHTS [some clickable!!!!] and then I will stop talking about it:

and

Feel a bit bad that so far no piece I've nominated for an award/anthology (from >10 stories/poems) has made it past that stage.
Trying to think how to make For Every Year more 'convincing'/ 'worth people being a part of'.
IDEAS WELCOME? etc?

New Rejection Digest

f/ Glen Binger and Radek Ozog

brezhnev

2010-04-01T19:06:00.013+01:00

[1546 is a car park covered in starfish]

[1547 is a turkey wrapped in tissue]

I have a tumblr now.
[Click]
Uncertain how long I will have a tumblr or how it will affect my life.

Killbot's cat fanfiction is really superpowerful.

Think Adam Coates showed me this link once.
I really like what they've done with the place.

I might write something about Sumo wrestlers.

This video is climbing view rankings WORLDWIDE.
Help it.
Incredible empathy and brilliance displayed therein.

Fully aware that this has become Eric Wareheim shrine since Major Lazer video week, but will try and air it all now.

In lust:

"Myspace" here.

"Vice photoshoot" here.

"ytmnd" Bop Bop Perano and KFC.

"Tim and Eric "SPORTS" music video" here.

And:

While in other 'terrific news':

I made a really marvelous joke about Lady Gaga on Twitter
But I think like maybe people didn't understand it or something
Because it got 0 retweets
Only explanation

JLN has shown me Dirpy.
Turns Youtube videos automatically into mp3s.
Haven't used it yet but there have been plenty of times in the past.
etc.

I'm going to Manchester in 3 or 4 weeks.
Does anyone want me to do anything 'physically' to Socrates, Chris, or any other Manchester celebrities?

kevatron

2010-03-22T23:23:00.004Z

[1545 is Hegel]

Kevin Dunfey successfully commented on a Youtube video of my choice and his prize is this blog post.

Well done, Kev.

The majority of this post will be comprised of Major Lazer videos.
I recommend everyone watches at least one of these.
They are all amazing to a one:

Molly wrote this for me.
Did I already mention that?
I am grateful.
AZN Antoinette.

Well done, Molls.

Cami wrote a thing that I thought was really very terrific in NOÖ.

Well done, Cam.

Ben was spotlit at DC's place, possibly ~12-15% "thanks" to me.

Well done, Ben.

Stephen O'Toole wrote an excellent thing that made me laugh regarding 'Shit'.

Well done, Steve.

Janey Smith wrote an excellent thing that made me laugh regarding 'Shit'.

Well done, Jane.

omarosa

2010-03-17T23:34:00.006Z

[1543 is puff puff]

[1544 is give]

Omarosa.
I just want to say "Omarosa" I think.
I don't know who Omarosa is actually.
I think she is a celebrity in America.
"Omarosa" is the name of a woman who was in The Apprentice (?) in America, and then she was in her own show, where people competed for her affections (?).
A samosa is a delicious and tasty food.
I think "New York" (?) is the name of a girl who was in "The Flava of Love" (?), who then also had her own show, which was also a dating show where people competed for her affections, and there were two series of that show (?).
Siobhan Magnus is a girl who is on American Idol and when she wears big glasses she reminds me of Sarah San.
Siobhan Donaghy is a girl from the Sugababes and she was my favourite and she was the first one to leave and I used to (aged 19-20) consistently envision bumping into her at a party in Tottenham and she would think I was interesting, smart and hilarious, but I never went to parties in Tottenham because I was scared I would make a fool of myself if I ever met her and I didn't have any friends in Tottenham by then.

Today I walked from Vauxhall to Paddington without looking at a map.
You can view my route here.
I did OK but it wasn't the best.

Would anyone like to come to London and walk around with me?
I think it would have been better if I was with someone.
I felt sort of 'urgently alone but optimistic'.

I've been walking a lot recently.
I thought I was going to work on some kind of 'project' about walking.
But now I'm not going to.
But I still like walking.

Baumer did it better than me anyway already:

Here follow two very very very music videos, one HIGH DEFINITION, one LOW RESOLUTION:

Here's ^{something ^{I've ^{been ^{meaning ^{to _{try _{but ^{haven't ^{really ^{tried ^yet}}}}}}}}}}Nice.

If there is anyone at all who gets all the way down to here you get a prize but you have to watch this first and comment on it at youtube and then tell me and then you will receive a terrific (?) prize:

edge of darkness

2010-03-14T20:04:00.007Z

literally

[1541 gently kissed your mother]

[1542 lightly caressed your dad]

I haven't written 'a minute from a movie' for a long time.

About a year and a half ago, I wrote about 'Taken'.
Subsequently, for a very short while, my blog appeared on the first page of Google searches for 'Liam Neeson leather jacket'.

As such, I've decided to write about Edge of Darkness.

Obviously, the film is Mel Gibson's foray into the growing established ~serious actor, relatively cheesed off, w/ gun genre:

This is what happens between (chosen randomly) 1:03:25 and 1:04:25 in the movie:

Mel Gibson's face is outside a car. His face is full of wrinkles. His body (below) is wearing a beige overcoat. He is speaking in a serious manner.
     "This isn't about police and arrests and all that nice shit. This is about me knowing what I have to know and the fact that you've got to tell me. Now I want to see the senator." He has some kind of New Jersey accent maybe.
     There is a man in the car. He is wearing a brown suit and tie. He has short, neat brown hair.
     "See the 'senaduh'? Who the fuck do you think you are?" This guy sounds like he is Australian maybe.
     Mel Gibson says, in a very serious way,
     "I'm the guy with nothing to lose who doesn't give a shit. And you tell him that. And fasten your fucking seatbelt." Mel Gibson is snarling as he says all this, he really means it.
     Mel Gibson slams the car door and walks off and the guy in the car looks through the windscreen and blinks and seems affected by what has happened.

Now there is a river, with a fishing boat sailing slowly.
     Mel Gibson is in a car. He is leaning his head back against the headrest with his eyes closed. Outside some branches are moving. There is a calm, steady noise.
     Now there is an image of a small girl wearing a pink waistcoat over a pink sweater. In the bottom right corner it says "May 22, 1990". Also the image is far more grainy than the last one. In the top left corner there are some numbers. This means it is a 'home movie'. They girl says,
     "Look daddy, lots of ABCs." She is pointing at a piece of paper in front of her, covered with writing.
     There is a banging noise and we see Mel Gibson again, looking woozy. The banging noise continues and Mel Gibson's body moves slightly and he opens his eyes wide in a startled way.
     There is a young woman banging on the window of the car. She looks impatient. She has a scarf wrapped around her head and her sleeves have holes for her thumbs. You would probably describe her as 'bohemian' or 'hippie', maybe.
     Mel Gibson looks at her. He clears his throat and does a quiet moan like he has made a mistake. He unlocks the door. The girl gets in.
     Mel Gibson looks at the young woman. He makes an expression that seems designed to suggest empathy and it makes his face look incredibly wrinkled. He says,
     "Hi."
     The young woman breathes heavily and says,
     "I want to go to her apartment. I want to see things." It sounds like she is English and putting on an American accent maybe. Mel Gibson's eyes look to the left and he looks somehow mischievous and also full of empathy and he says,
     "That's not a good idea right now."
     The woman is breathing noisily. The soundtrack is dominated by it.
     The young woman nods and says,
     "I'm sorry. I am so scared." And now it sounds like she is maybe Eastern European, the way she said that last sentence.
     Mel Gibson says,
     "Look, uh, I'll take you for a cup of coffee someday but we have to just talk now. I'd like to ask you things about her, personal things I never knew, but there's no time now"
     The young woman suddenly hugs Mel Gibson. He pats her on the back. His hands seem really incredibly big. Mel Gibson starts to speak again but his face is sort of being squashed by the hug,
     "Look, uh, I can't take this OK? Talk to me, huh? Talk to me."

And that's the end of the minute.

I feel disappointed there weren't any guns in the minute.
However there was a bit of 'real talk' and a bit of 'emotion' and some swearwords so perhaps that is OK.
And a terrific quote at the start there.
Nice work, Edge of Darkness.

My review:
I can not endorse this movie.

Anyway, I am optimistic that people Googling "Mel Gibson beige overcoat" will be directed to this post.
Hi there, Gibson guys.
It was a lovely overcoat, wasn't it?
A really moving overcoat.

ok guys

2010-03-13T20:14:00.002Z

[1539 is a mosquito in a Moscow mosque]

[1540 is a sycamore in a Sydney synagogue]

I was listening to this song while walking on Friday and realised I should post it since it is good and features a reference to 1540:

Molly is getting a lot done thanks to this etc.
Good lass.

Chenchen

One more week to enter the 'best contest ever etc'

Listening to Die Antwoord.
OK thanks guys.

my point

2010-03-06T20:05:00.006Z

[1537 is "stone cold" steve austin]

[1538 is "the rock"]

I have made a video of ana c.'s recent video:

Prathna Lor has a book coming out.
Feel excellent and excited.

I like this poem by Mairéad Byrne.
Mairéad seems good.
More of her in this HTMLG post.
I like her.

Not sure why I just videotaped myself singing along to this song while eating dinner:

This webpage has a bunch of amazing photographs, many of which I hadn't seen before, for example:

Hitler as youngster:

and

Hepburn giving champagne to deer:

And many more

Anyway, this kid seems to have the right idea is my point:

now

2010-03-02T21:49:00.014Z

[1535 is a potato wearing a tuxedo]

[1536 is a yam wearing a cocktail dress]

Rejection Digest
has grown a beard since you last saw it.

This week's issues features zombies, swollen bodies et al.

Stephen O'Toole wrote a story that won a competition and I think it's really very good.
Well done, Stephen, old boy.

Anyway why wouldn't I like Maggie Lee's blog?

This weekend I finished a story.
It is medium-long.
Characters include a suicidal Martian, a parboiled baby (otherwise perfectly healthy), a lonely Mexican, and a minibusload of drunk female bears.
What do I do now?

Socrates just showed me this game.
It is great.
Socrates showed me Passage as well, I think.
Socrates is great.
Hi, Soc, man.

memes

2010-02-28T17:03:00.012Z

[1534 is wearing delightful loafers]

I saw Jonathan Safran Foer (hereafter "JSF") give a reading on Friday night.

[edit: I've just re-read the description below and it seems like I am sometimes 'just kidding' or 'trying to be funny or peculiar' somehow, but this is a fairly straightforward description of the reading]

The reading was held in Wilton's Music Hall
Wilton's is apparently the oldest surviving Music Hall in the world.
The building is dying apparently.
It is already semi-derelict and in three years it will be inaccessible.
Throughout, I drank beers and felt emotional about the reading/building/etc.

JSF did two readings, a chap called Paul Murray did two readings, a band did a long section in the middle, and the DJ kept playing songs I for some reason used to consider 'mine' like this guy and this kid.

Before each of his readings, JSF did some kind of 'mind control' trick.
I think the audience felt confused by these.
They both 'worked' but I think people had no idea what was happening.
I will describe below the first mind control trick that JSF performed:

JSF asked everyone in the audience to think of a number between 1 and 10,000.
JSF asked if anyone had thought of the number "683".
One lady shouted "yes!"
JSF asked the lady to stand up.
JSF asked the lady a series of questions (answers 'London', '32', and something else).
JSF asked the lady to think of another number, this time between 1 and 1,000.
JSF asked everyone wearing a hat to take off their hat.
JSF asked if anyone found any paper inside their hat.
One man shouted out "yes!"
JSF asked the woman what number she had chosen.
The woman said "205".
JSF asked the unhatted man what the paper said.
The unhatted man said "205".
Maybe four people clapped and then without fanfare JSF started his reading.

**Incidentally, Becky who I was at the reading with had "205" written on her wrist (it was the bus she needed to take to get home)
This was obviously not part of the 'trick', but it was part of the 'what? oh. weird'.**

The the book he was reading from, Eating Animals, seems well-written.
JSF was a good reader, with a good clear voice.
(Well done, JSF.)
He kept interspersing the sections he was reading with playful insults about the other reader (the aforementioned Paul Murray), dropping in things such as that Paul Murray's penis was unpowerful, that Paul Murray's family liked to wrestle each other for fun, and that Paul Murray's family were also unattractive/unintellectual/etc.
The audience laughed but again seemed totally confused about what was going on or why.

After the reading, my friends went and talked to JSF.
I didn't because I was a bit drunk or something.

Anyway, he is very short.

Rules for writing [Socrates]

Yulia Volodymyrivna Tymoshenko
is the Prime Minister of Ukraine.

Adam Coates resigned from the blogosphere?
I like Adam a lot.
His 'last poem' is very nice.

Rules for writing LES

People in Seattle seem to really like Go Ninja Go Ninja Go.
First The Stranger, now this.
Why is this?
Thank you, Seattle.

ps bonus material

semen recipes

2010-02-21T14:45:00.012Z

Semen Recipes

Feel like Gary Busey right now.

There is religion coming through the window from a loudspeaker.
It is Sunday.

Just ate some beans on toast.
Feel like Whitney Houston.

Saddest cookbook.

Slingshot accepting submissions.
If I google "Josh Kleinburg" it takes me to Ben Brooks' blog.
If I google "Josh Kleinb*rg" it takes me to Josh Kleinberg's blog, Ben is second.
If I google "Josh Kleinberg" it takes me to Josh Kleinberg's blog, Ben is second.

I bought and read Matt Debonair Dicktease's CONGRATULATIONS! THERE’S NO LAST PLACE IF EVERYONE IS DEAD.

Some short thoughts:

The stories are debonair.
The stories are dicktease.
I enjoy Matt's writing very much.
I nominated his For Every Year story for an award, but it didn't win.
I felt bad and like a failure when that happened and I felt like I must have not followed the entry guidelines or something.
The art and layout is really good in the book.
It was done by Brian Manley.
I think Matt has 5 copies of this left?
The book is quite slim.
When he sent me the book, he also sent 'various goodies'.
One of the goodies was a pack of Yo! MTV Raps trading cards.
I don't know if I am supposed to open the cards or if they are a 'very expensive' collector's item.
The price includes an atmospheric audiobook of the book.
And other things.
I endorse this once-in-a-lifetime package.
I am glad to have received it.

The truth about Marvin K. Mooney was in the public domain all along.

I was happy to be a tinycogbabypart of the subterfuge.
Well done, Christopher Higgs.
Well done, Ken Baumann.
Well done, Sator Press.
Pretty sweet and good going all things considered.

More religious noise, might be trumpets.
Some shouting also, and religious singing.

I feel like an animal on a trampoline.
A fluffy animal.
Or Cameo Garrison.

Just read about Captain EO.
I feel like 'the father of 4-D'

"Cocaine blues"

video showcase

2010-02-16T22:45:00.005Z

Rejection Digest ahoy hoy

Issue #1 feat. 'best ever drawing of a crown'

Meanwhile...

ana c. crotch/'rampage' success

killbot 'malarky'/jingle success

self contrast/'frame' success

chris east 'legit'/marbles success

sarah san 'best breakthrough' success

fry+laurie 'bravura' success

the thousand dollar used tampon

2010-02-14T00:22:00.014Z

[1532 is James Frey]

[1533 is Sasha Grey]

First Rejection Digest.
This Tuesday.

Me and xtx started a story together a couple of months ago.

If anyone would like to add a paragraph about the thousand dollar used tampon please put it in the comments and I will surely add it to the story below:

The Thousand Dollar Used Tampon

The thousand dollar used tampon is in a plexiglass display case in the Spitzer Hall of Human Origins at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City. It is one of the most popular exhibits at the museum. The display case is fitted with an AntiSnatch™ alarm system as there have been no fewer than four attempted thefts of the thousand dollar used tampon.

The thousand dollar used tampon sits on a cube of opaque quartz that is roughly the size of an unabridged bible. The contrasting colors; faded deep rusty red of the tampon against the shiny fog of the quartz creates a stir in the beholders they won't have anticipated. Yes, they had heard about the 'must see' exhibit of the thousand dollar used tampon, but the simple presentation evoked an austere grandness one had to experience first-hand. Thomas Crunk, the security guard assigned to Spitzer Hall, was still amazed at the number of swift intakes of breath whenever a new visitor made their way to the front of the crowd and got their first look at the exhibit.

The origins of the thousand dollar used tampon are uncertain. There are various unverified and conflicting accounts of its provenance. Initially, it was thought that the tampon had belonged to Susan Atkins, a member of the Manson Family. This theory stated that the tampon was collected by forensic police at the scene of the Tate/LaBianca murders but was later deemed inadmissible in court. After this, the theory stated that the tampon was placed in storage at BHPD headquarters, from where it was later stolen by rogue Manson-memorabilia-enthusiast police. Even amongst those who subscribed to this version of events, the route by which the thousand dollar tampon might have subsequently found its way into the hands of the AMNH was rarely agreed upon and often debated over.

Luckily, the advancement of forensic sciences has painted a picture of the origins of the thousand dollar used tampon that is somewhat different from the Manson hypothesis. The DNA mapping determined that the tampon had come from (obviously) a female, but in addition to the human DNA there was also found canine DNA. This puzzled the scientists to no end. It was time for the historians to reopen the case files and take a new look at the origins of the finding of the thousand dollar used tampon.

Another interesting chapter in the history of the thousand dollar tampon is the fact that it was featured in the cover artwork for the limited edition version of Dave Matthews Band's 1996 album, Crash. It was reported around the time that Dave Matthews had become increasingly obsessed with the thousand dollar used tampon; some sources have even gone so far as to report that the album's closing track, Proudest Monkey, is an expression of Matthews' emotions after being allowed to spend ninety minutes alone with the thousand dollar used tampon.

Dave Matthews' obsession with the thousand dollar used tampon quickly led to international notoriety. And, as it happened, the institute of advanced thinking at the University of Western Australia was looking for a new project to ponder, having recently adjudicated that Heath Ledger was not the originator of "summer socks for men." Particularly interested in the tampon project was a young assistant professor whose PhD thesis was titled "A Contextual Analysis of Vaginal Blood Squelches in the Modern Era: Gross." The assistant professor, having been refused a temporary tampon loan from the Spitzer Hall of Human Origins, was determined to nevertheless study the thousand dollar used tampon up close and in person. As such, she planned a daring heist, the likes of which has only been seen in such movies as Ocean's 11, Ocean's 12, Ocean's 13, and National Treasure 1 and 2. Unfortunately, and somewhat coincidentally, or some may say ironically, before she could implement her plan the assistant professor was diagnosed with early onset menopause. Without that personal connection to the menstrual flow she soon lost interest in the thousand dollar used tampon and changed her thesis topic to "What's Up with Guys who have Skid Marks in their Undies: Wipe your Arseholes, Boys!"

The funny thing about the thousand dollar used tampon is that some people speculate it once was a two thousand dollar tampon. Then, so they say, it was worn by a fifty dollar whore in some cheap sexcapade at a seventy dollar an hour hotel, reducing the value of it to a thousand dollar, and used, tampon. Later, it was discovered that this whore was really the wife of the Six Million Dollar Man. Upon this discovery, it was christened art, changing the actual value of "the thousand dollar used tampon" to about five hundred thousand dollars. Sometimes the thousand dollar used tampon is nothing but a two-bit joke. It was even once the sixty-four thousand dollar question, but the contestant didn't know his ass from his elbow. Hundred bucks says he won't make that mistake again.

The thousand dollar used tampon was the product of spiritualist parents. They dabbled in Buddhism. They said 'we are more'. They disrobed and rubbed themselves against nature. Nature had no choice. Their eyes were their own. They ate earth. The thousand dollar tampon knew he would be more. He screamed and he kicked the earth into the sky. The thousand dollar tampon bought a thousand dresses and wore them all at once and felt fat.

"There are more fish in the sea," said the thousand dollar used tampon.
"I didn't know tampons could talk," I said.
"I didn't know you were such a little bitch," the tampon replied. It hurt my feelings, but I didn't show it.

Poor guy

2010-02-09T23:24:00.006Z

[1530 is sweet potato]

[1531 is yam]

Rejection Digest is agogo

Me + Socko + Devastating rejection = Rejection Digest is a friendly little Turk.

Thanks, San, always, kiddo.

Anyone planning on disappearing for money?
If so, move quick.
Seems incredibly tempting.
Darn.

Rejection Digest is the Flying Dutchman.

Die Antwoord absolutely taking over.
Muthafuckin' ninja

Rejection Digest is hitting the gym for Christmas. Already.

This shit happened right outside while I was in a meeting.
Loud and 100/100 badass.
Had just crossed the road at the place where the crash happened ~7mins previous.
Don't know if the guy survived.
Really hope the guy survived.
Good luck, guy.
Either way this blog post is for you, guy.

forever and ever and forever

2010-02-05T23:35:00.005Z

[1528 is the year of the ox]

[1529 is the year of the tiger]

The future is a gradual baby.
When you teach Shakespeare to 6 year olds you change all the sex to cuddling

Othello thought Desdemona was cuddling with Cassio

gross!!

Ravi made me do a smile.

Feel good and strong and OK and luscious and powerful and grand and Richard Marx and bubbly and wistful and bold and glad and swift and fancy and droll and trendy and full and excellent and successful and prim.

Everyday Genius is a powerful bear.
Here are some powerful koala things I have seen recently there:

Abovementioned purple emotional states regard my 'translation' of Heinrich von Kleist's 'Das Betelweib von Locarno' going live there in the 'wildly prestigious' Friday/weekend spot.

fyi It is a translation
But I don't speak German
Here is the original German text I used:
http://gutenberg.spiegel.de/?id=5&xid=1475&kapitel=1#gb_found
I found out the title and a ~sentence-long synopsis of the piece
And then sat down with a print out of the german
I tried as hard as I could to translate it word by word
From there I tried to turn the ungrammatical nonsense into something comprehensible

Thanks many to Fortune 500 and Mr. Robson-Justice.

Not even 100 crows are trying to fly in my window right now.

Maybe I just want to wear stilts and be a rainbow near your picnic.

Brilliantgood video.
~15,000 views. 3 comments.

I'm going to wear a bandanna and carry a stepladder around the neighbourhood for five or six hours. That'll be me. I'll be that guy.

Socrates is a movie director now.
Neeeeeeato.

theodore

2010-02-01T22:53:00.007Z

[1526 is Jimmy Kimmel]

[1527 is Sarah Silverman]

Would really recommend everyone watch this flash animation but I don't know maybe only if you are a 'wearing jodhpurs' or 'hatless' or 'a cutiepie' or 'Japanese' or 'leather' or 'a tent' or 'hayfeverish' or 'supple' or 'a clam'.

Chris East is a culmination.
This is very very good.
Finale.
Damn.

Really like this penis thing by TIM.

Two more days to win The Bird Room.

Lots of things currently crashlanding in my lentils via "straight-B student" Sarah Sans Pinelli.
For example this.
Really like this man's voice and video.
Sarah thinks everyone has seen it but I don't everyone has seen it:

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Jónsi live thing here seems really really really ok.

Is this blog at all colourful in Google Reader/other blog readers or no?

BBC news story about musician Taylor "[Adjective]"

I read about these two incidents and could make only blank and semolina thoughts.

I got hard-interviewed by Dave Erlewine Esq.
Thank you, Mr Esq.

I will subdue you like an owl. Probably not.

Rollerfink Jnr strikes again! [click!]

ohio

2010-01-25T23:36:00.006Z

[1524 is thinking about Tom Waits joining the navy]

[1525 has just had a child but has kept his figure]

Hi.
I made a video:

Music from Lucky Dragons.
5 views and counting.

Hi.
Fishkind won the race of the chapbooks by what looks like a 'long way'.
No sign yet of your boy Debonair Dicktease's effort.
He assures me it is in the air as we speak.

BHAAAD:

I have supported the idea of the continued existence of David Fishkind since around July last year, when I learned of the existence of David Fishkind
I successfully read Baby Hedgehogs and American Apparel Dogs on the train today.
David Fishkind is 200-250% more proficient at stapling than DJ Berndt.
The book is comprised of one 'epic poem'.
I enjoyed the poem
The poem is suitably confused and excellent and features stand-out words such as 'gazebo', 'ocelot' and 'diaphanous'.
I think David is allowed to call the poem 'epic' because it's funny to say that and it's true also and also Zoidberg poisonous.
It doesn't contain 'diaphanous', actually, I don't think. I got carried away. I meant 'hibiscus'.
The poem feels correct and it is interesting and probably more than one hundred animals feature.
Chenchen said some prime things at HTMLG.

Hi.
Staygold are pretty good it looks like.
I am aroused:

Prefer Spank Rock's Robyn-dancing to his 'flow' here possibly.
But Staygold stay sexy.

...........Um...
The xx at Pitchfork: TV

OUT

brb

2010-01-24T15:39:00.003Z

This is a good reaction to your own almostdeath.

Seriously very overlove this via Reyrey/hc:

I also also overlove these two instalments of Dustin at Sexy People:

One .;[/ ' ]#]' '/ . [] = =- [[ ; .' # # ] Two

Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbboink Kelly wrote a very good thing.

via blogblog...

The other Rollerfink is terrific also.
Seems confusing!
Rollerfinks!!!!!:

Would anyone like to take sombre/calm walks around London with me?
I'm doing that a lot recently.

dear diary

2010-01-18T21:25:00.009Z

click

[1522 is a distinguished farmer]

[1523 is a saucy teapot]

Tarv-
uism

Oh:

Spent an hour or so evolving music last month here.

Does anyone know:
Is there somewhere in England I can get Ramune (any flavour)?

Just saw something that was dated "December 2009" and I felt like that was a really long time ago.

Had 'Thong Song' stuck in my head a lot today.

Played this game in the space between the last sentence and this.
It's very brilliant.

How should I judge these sentences?
I think something about them is good.

Is there a culture/country that eats pâté for breakfast?

paypal

2010-01-12T21:40:00.007Z

Courtesy of Ms Andrea Biscuits Kneeland.

[1560 is gone up ahead.]

1560 is by Marvin K. Mooney.
He sent me the sub and I was intrigued.
I thought 'Is this that chap from Dr. Seuss?' and I felt concerned that something was happening.

I don't think it's the guy from Dr. Seuss.
...Right?

But the website is worth looking at.
I don't know what's going on but there are things like this and that must be good:

From Wikipedia:
"The first known use of the word crunk was in 1972 by Dr. Seuss in his book Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!."

He seems like a person with a reason.
So I feel strange and interested.
And supportive of his existence.
So there is 1560.

Completely pointless total redesign/overhaul of 'lovely' or whatever it's called here using 'stolen gif #1' and 'stolen gif #2'.

[I think I originally stole that rainbow gif from Chris East or Audun Mortensen or both.
I like it a lot that rainbow gif.]

I have a poem up at poems about expiring where Rollerfink wins everything forever all over again.

Also had a Christmas remix up at Blog of etc etc.

Just ordered thing and thing.
Looked at my Paypal history for 2009 and felt like it was an awful lot of £$£$£$£$£$ moving away from my body at an infinite speed.

Good/like picture:

Been reading this blog a lot recently.
Seems to feature/spotlight only very excellent literatures probably.
Has turned me on to various things that I am excited to be turned on to.

PLOP

if i had a tumblr and this was my tumblr it would look a lot like this

2010-01-04T22:18:00.008Z

[1521 is not part of this 'themed' post, but still read it]

posted 30 minutes ago

via someplace

posted 31 minutes ago

via lolocaust

posted 33 minutes ago

via memesteve

posted 34 minutes ago

via omfgcute

posted 35 minutes ago

via fuckyeahvengaboys

posted 36 minutes ago

via halalsteve

posted 37 minutes ago

via davidkoresh

posted 39 minutes ago

via kosherowls

posted 40 minutes ago

via halalowls

← back in time

Sept-Dec 2009 (cntd.)

2010-01-02T11:12:00.003Z

September

'Don't stir the tea with your penis'.

Eventually you can think 'Dan Brown is not the best kind of books'. Eventually.

mammatus

the moon is a dead little giant
the moon is good

clouds hiding under clouds
under dusty things
under a dead librarian

my heart is like other things
my heart is a little girl

but for as long as you
will make the world a place
i will

October

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
ZOMBOZOMBOZOMBOZOMBOZOMBOZOMBOZOMBOZOMBO

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- bodybuilding championships.

I recommend it.
If you have never defrosted a fridge.
Please.

November

NaNoWriMi:

A man likes to have sex and he wants to have lots of sex but he is married and he doesn't know if he likes to have sex with his wife as much as he likes having sex with other people so he breaks up with his wife and then misses his wife and tries to win her back using sex but eventually he realises that that's not the best idea and he has to woo her using his SOUL and his SENSE OF HUMOUR so he does that and that happens for a while and eventually they have a kid together.

A boy on fire can be a sad thing.
Two children in love can be a sad thing.
If everyone feels afraid then that can be a sad thing.

"Stephanie Meyer's hair is full of cutlery. I hate her. Her sentences are an 11-year old's magnetic fridge poetry"

Well done, Audri.

November

Ryan Manning puts together music and I didn't know this because I think it happened gently or maybe he has always been doing it, I don't know
I really like it a lot, though.

"Leather jacket Liam Neeson wears in Taken"
"Salerno's in Righteous Kill"
"Stephanie Meyer boobs"

Think I would like to softly say the name 'Graham' repeatedly in the ear of someone named Graham

Kurt Vonnegut wrote his family a letter in 1945 and it's here along with other letters that create one of the best internetwebsites of the world.

Sikhism/showers/motorsports/sex etc etc?

May-Aug 2009 (showreel cntd.)

2009-12-31T00:31:00.006Z

May

Toilet snorkel

optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness goodness excellence affordability potential optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness goodness excellence affordability potential optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness goodness excellence affordability potential optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness goodness excellence affordability potential optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness goodness excellence affordability potential optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness goodness excellence affordability potential optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness goodness excellence affordability potential optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness goodness excellence affordability potential optimism possibility hope generosity gentleness kindness

Allow me to launch my clothing range:

LINK

I thought about people with lisps today.

I have a thing up at Abjective!

1) A haiku I just found on the cover of the 12th April 2007 issue of Real People Magazine:

Hammered to a pulp
For parking in the wrong place
300 stitches

"If you don't let me suck your dick, I'm going to kill myself. "
I give this movie two thumbs way hahaha.

June

"8 foot aluminum tube"
Fuck yeah.

"Parking officers issued PCN's to 2 cars related to xxxxx Motors, Mr xxn and his wife verbally abused the officers and Mr xxxxremoved the parking tickets and shoved them into another parking officers pouch"

Everyone was there: Tabitha and her Shetland pony, the Japanese tourists who'd walked in from the street, that cowboy who advertises chapstick, that paperclip from MS Office, Noah Wyle, that overweight camel who'd been sending those weird emails, that kid with the coathangers, Rude Dog and the Dweebs, Roy Lichtenstein, Two men playing Magic: The Gathering on the carpet, Jerry O'Connell, Monica Seles, Warren Buffett, Wesley Crusher.,The King of Spain, the realtor taking measurements, Kool-aid Man, Heidi Klum, Teller, Ben Johnson, that man with the wheelbarrow full of AOL CDs...

Picking up a Red Bull from the table.

adam: maybe buddha was the incredible hulk
just he never got angry

July

Best flash intro ever

DID YOU LIKE CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND?

Why Yes! Fat Chance!

I am 'interested in and sad about the moon and stuff etc'.

It would only take 8 years to walk to the moon

Soulja Boy wants it to be summer.

August

My poems are at the front of the issue. At first I thought 'prestigious!!' but then I decided it is like how you put the shortest people at the front of group photographs.

Friendly people are the new water parks.
Blind people are the new yoghurt pot phone.
Young Frankenstein is the new NOÖ.
Moesha is the new Friends.

Don't know if I can think of another time when I was moved.
Yes I can.
Playing 'Passage' for the first and second time.

"At the warehouse there was lots of food for the party.
My friend's boyfriend had just put up a cupboard for her, but he'd put the back on backwards so she was sad.
I told him it was fine.
He showed me the instructions and I agreed I would have done the same.
I ate food and drank beer.
Then I made some errors of judgement with jokes and comments I made and I started to feel like I was in the way and so I decided I should leave."